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As it does every year , SpotifyWrappedjust explained millions of people ’s identities to them through the songs they obsessionally listened to in 2024 . All unnecessary “ improvements ” aside - for now at least - the annual aggregation is a triumph for statisticians the human beings over , and validation for everyone who stares at spreadsheets for a uncheerful proportion of their living .
Want to relive those three black post - break - up months ? You ’ve got the handy reminder of when you take on Joy Division back - to - back . Care to remind yourself of when you briefly decided you ’d consecrate yourself to the gym ? All good , the uncanny January EDM spike in your listening habits is decent there . essentially , Spotify enfold subsist as an statement of who we are , not only as fans of euphony but as distinct and special humanity . And gamifying it was always a genius move .
Sadly , this year , Spotify Wrapped was ruined for me . Not just because the villainous spook of AI robbed the roundup of its usual shade , or because the aesthetic vibes were absolutely insufferable , but because of the guerrilla war of a 7 - year - sure-enough . And I know I ’m not the only one .
2024’s Spotify Wrapped Wasn’t The Usual Slam Dunk
After ten years , Spotify Wrapped should always be a finely oil machine . It lands on the app , several hundreds of chiliad of hoi polloi look up how to actually get at it , and then it ’s shared on every social platform for a couple of days . It is the very definition of a radical viral spike trend . There ’s every chance you then go and listen to the accompanying play list of top songs you already listen to , but that ’s a bit self - gratulatory , frankly .
This year , Spotify went sheer on AI , introducing new features designed to appeal to the listening habits assumed from 12 months of data . These come at the toll of antecedently pop features like the quaint “ Sound Town ” development of 2023 , because advance always has to make thing bad , for some reason . In place of that , we baffle a podcast , where fake vox cosplayed as world , complete with all the quirk of manner of speaking that make AI hosts wholly redundant , and an AI DJ . The last one will for certain be listen to by nobody , givenit sounds precisely like when poorly - equipped British actors are project to play wiseguys in a cheap Scorsese rip - off .
We just need the connection , the stats that make us all find reckon : being invited into the half - bake Matrix that promises more and lazily deliver less is criminal . Yes , the memeability factor of the pathetic micro - genres is all well and good , but why did they have to mess up it all up ? Not that it weigh to me , of course , because my son ruined my class - end treat in the quite speculator way many other parents will empathise with .
My Son Ruined Spotify Wrapped
117k Minutes Listened, And I Can’t Really Be Proud Of Any Of It
I could probably have forgive some of the “ improved”Spotify Featuresadded to Spotify Wrapped this class if it were n’t for the fact that my Wrapped was a disaster thanks to my own fatal computer error . I allowed my son , a 7 year old delight who is currently somewhere boysterously growing out of another brand - new pair of schooling trouser , to put my Google Nest Mini in his bedroom while my role was being renovated . That look at a whole year , and the cost was more than my patience .
My son sleeps like all forward-looking children : in a receptive attack designed to benumb out the sempiternal cps of YouTube video playing on cringle in his conscious and unconscious judgement . Once you ’ve enjoyed hours of Skibidi Toilet , you ’ll empathise why well-grounded flower stalk and Northern Lights simulator are necessary . Sadly , that meant he trifle the phone of crashing waves or rainfall ramp through Alexa , and used Siri to work classical guitar euphony alongside it . The resolution : my Spotify Wrapped look like I kick the bucket through something frightful that only Johann Sebastian Bach could fix .
I do n’t have anything against classic music ; in fact , I listen to it a quite a little in 2024 . Classical soundtrack are as good as nicotine used to be in providing a focal point encouragement : butSpotify now think that all the great Song I discovered in 2024 were small , inconsequential blip between grand and G of hours of Bach , Fernando Sor , Erik Satie , and Vivaldi . It ’s great that he listened to so much , and hopefully , those hearsay of classical music energise unseasoned idea is true , because he ’s on track to be a ace genius , but there ’s a downside .
deplorably , there ’s no fashion to tell Spotify that it had been kidnapped to play lullabies to my sleeping boy
I want to be congratulated on how many emerging bands I listen to before they were liberal ; I require to relive the moment early in 2024 when I finally realized Hozier is a genius ; and even whenWickedinspired a frankly quite worrisome pivot into musical theater in November . alternatively , sadly , because there ’s no way to secernate Spotify that it had been kidnapped to encounter lullabies to my sleeping son , I know nothing about myself musically and have to rather assemble together some common sense of ego from the things I remembered to Like , instead . I might as well be a cave man .
So , please Spotify , I beg two things of you . Rethink this twelvemonth ’s “ improvements ” and do n’t jump-start bandwagon that stop up disaffect your drug user base in the name of trailblazing , and maybe give any parent an pick to review their listening habits in November before the large reveal . That way , we can all dissemble we ’re back to the time before , when ourSpotifywas an unblemished haven and monument to our melodic obsession .
